I survived my second week back to work. It was a bit of a longer week than usual as I had to attend a certification renewal class on one of my days off. It was just another week that confirmed that one day can be great and he next day not so much. Tuesday I felt great. I had a big appetite and felt awesome every time I ate. I was feeling so good that I decided to try ‘gulping’ some water. Like instead of one swallow, try to swallow 3 times in succession. And it went really well. I would feel funny going down for a very brief moment and then that moment would pass. It felt so good to ‘gulp’ ice cold water. But then Wednesday came and I was forcing myself to eat as my appetite was gone. And I definitely didn’t eat enough. Who knows...maybe the water ‘chugging’ did me in for Wednesday. Or maybe Wednesday would have been an off day regardless. All I know is I’ve definitely learned more now that ever to enjoy the present. Enjoy those awesome days because you never know what tomorrow brings. And even enjoy the not so awesome days because it could always be so much worse
I had a random thought this week about my pathology. I totally realized that I haven’t written about my results. I heard my initial pathology results less than 2 weeks after my surgery. And honestly, it still stings a bit. Everything was completely negative. They didn’t even find 1, not even 1 single signet cell (which is a very early form of cancer that is found in almost every single CDH1 patient when pathology is done on their stomach after removing it). At first I thought ‘just great, why did I even have the surgery?’ ‘Why did I put myself and most importantly my family though this?’
After just a couple minutes of reflection I answered both of those questions. We have no idea what would have been if I would have waited to remove my stomach. 1 year, 3 years or 10. But what I did know is that the risk was too high to chance it. I definitely did not want to end up like my Dad. And most of all I did not want my children to ever have to see me go through what he went through. So who knows. Maybe they just didn’t find the something that actually is in fact there. Or maybe my families mutation is somehow different than the others. Or maybe our family doesn’t possess the ‘trigger’ that turns the HDGC on. But I also know that now my stomach will be stored in small pieces at the NIH for research purposes forever. So maybe one day they will find these answers. And hopefully when my children are adults there will be more options and more discussion about what’s best. I so badly hope neither of our children are positive for the CDH1 mutation. But if they do I hope we can have a different discussion of options than I had.
